Starting Over: Why I’m Letting Go of the Plan and Trusting the Process

I’ve spent the last two years trying to create an online business.

And if I’m being honest - I am failing miserably.

Okay… maybe that’s a little harsh. Let’s just say I haven’t exactly been successful.

I’ve taken all the courses. Worked with all the people. Spent more money than I’d like to admit.

And here I am - two years later - still overthinking every step, still feeling stuck, and still not running a thriving business. (I do, however, have a very impressive collection of PDFs and workbooks.)

I’ve always done this- thinking that if I just find the book, the course, the perfect set of steps, everything will magically fall into place.

When a boyfriend broke up with me, I downloaded a book called 10 Steps to Get Over Heartbreak because I thought healing had a step-by-step process.

When I was trying to get sober, I ordered every book I could find on recovery, hoping they’d tell me exactly how to do sobriety the right way.

When I was struggling with self-worth, I signed up for all the workshops and programs that promised transformation.

I’ve always wanted someone to tell me: This is exactly how you do it. Just follow these steps, and you’ll have it all figured out.

And the problem with that is… life doesn’t work that way.

Yes, books and courses can be helpful. But they’re not a substitute for actually trusting yourself - for learning how to stop overthinking, let go of perfection, and figure things out as you go.

And that’s where I kept getting stuck.

The Years of Second-Guessing

I kept thinking that if I could just find the right business idea, everything would fall into place. So I tried everything.

At first, I thought, Money coaching makes sense. I work in accounting, I manage a business’s books, I understand money. So I trained to be a money coach. But something about it didn’t feel right - I didn’t want to talk about just money all the time. I loved the psychology of it, but I wanted something…more.

So I switched to self-worth coaching. Then relationship coaching. Then life coaching. I even thought about being a life purpose coach (ironic, considering I didn’t even know my own - but you better believe I took 10 courses on this topic!).

(Should I admit this wasn’t all the things I tried?)

Each time, I convinced myself that this would be the thing that finally clicked.

And each time, it didn’t.

Looking back, I realize I kept bouncing between too much structure and too much freedom.

At first, I was hyper-focused on strategy - the step-by-step formulas, the blueprints, the “proven” business models. I thought if I just followed the right system, everything would fall into place.

But when that didn’t work, I swung in the opposite direction - letting go completely, waiting for inspiration, hoping I’d magically stumble into the perfect idea. I told myself I was "trusting the process," but really, I was just avoiding making a decision.

I never let myself find a middle ground - a space where I could create something without overthinking every step or waiting for the perfect clarity to appear.

So I stayed stuck.

How Perfectionism Kept Me Stuck

I didn’t just want to create a business.

I wanted to create a flawless business. A business that made perfect sense, had a perfectly clear mission, and was perfectly mapped out from day one.

I thought if I couldn’t do it right, I shouldn’t do it at all.

And that’s why I kept jumping from idea to idea - because none of them ever felt perfect enough to commit to.

I told myself I needed more clarity, more research, more preparation before I could start. But really, I was just scared to put something out into the world before it was “ready.”

There were so many moments when I could have started something messy, but I didn’t - because I was too afraid of what people would think if I got it wrong.

And so, I still remained stuck.

The Moment It Clicked

A few weeks ago, I signed up for a perfectionism productivity program. Yes, yes, I know. Another program. But I was desperate for something - anything - that would finally help me move forward.

So I went to one of the coaches and laid it all out:

"I’ve been back and forth for two years. They say you have to niche down. They say you have to have a clear offer. They say you have to do X, Y, and Z."

(My husband often asks me who “they” are…)

Then I said something that surprised even me:

"If I could do anything, I’d create an online “library” where I write stories and blogs and then offer tools and resources for whatever I feel like talking about that day. Nothing tied to one niche. Just… whatever’s on my mind, whatever I feel like sharing."

As I said it out loud, I could feel my whole body relax - like I was finally admitting what I actually wanted instead of what I thought I should be doing.

And her response?

"Okay… so why aren’t you doing that?"

It was like she handed me the permission slip I had been waiting for.

I Don’t Need Permission

Now, I know I didn’t actually need her permission.

I just needed to stop waiting for someone to tell me it was okay to do what I already knew I wanted to do.

So for the first time in two years, I’m not overcomplicating things. I’m not obsessing over the “right” way to do this. I’m just showing up. 

Well, let me back up - I’m trying my hardest not to do these things by just showing up.

So here I am. Not with a perfectly packaged business plan. Not with all the answers. But with a space to write. To reflect. To explore.

Because maybe I don’t need to have it all figured out before I start.

Maybe I just need to start.

And trust that each step will lead me where I’m meant to go.